By Bert Hellinger, Talk given in Dornbirn Help for the soul in everyday living, 2012
When we expose ourselves to life, to everything that lives and goes on in us, then we can feel, this life comes from elsewhere. It does not come from us. And neither does it come from our parents, it only comes through them.
When I look at life as a whole, and when I look into the cosmos, all the way to the farthest galaxies, where can we experience the spiritual, the creative, more tangibly, more condensed, than in our life? When we open up to life here and now, we experience God.
If I take this seriously, God meets me in all of life. When I meet someone, then God meets this person, through me, in my life. When other people meet me in their life, no matter who they are, then through the simple fact of their existence, God meets me. And God does not only meet me in human lives, but in all of life, for we live and move and have our being in Him. … When we sense inside ourselves, into everything that is alive in us, we look at this movement as a divine movement, with reverence, with awe, with humility. When we surrender to it until we are in unison with it in our innermost depth, then God takes hold of us. We let go so that God can lead us His way, according to His will in every regard. This recollection, this committing ourselves into the hands of another power, this is really praying. Without asking. It is a prayer answered.
Suddenly we are in another dimension, in a wide open dimension. We feel at one in our soul and connected with everything in the deepest way. Whatever is different than how we want it to be, even so different that we experience it as the opposite of our desire, or even as hostile to us, the same creative primal power is at work in all of life. And now we change. In this moment we can and must let go of our judgments. Suddenly we experience that we do not have God to ourselves, but that God takes us into His service in everything He decrees for us, wherever He directs and guides us. Whatever happens to us, even illness, or misfortune or injustice, in God’s will it is of service to some greater matter, to a greater goal, and yet it also happens in a way that we are most deeply in accord with ourselves. In our soul we experience the direct opposite of losing ourselves.
How can I express this experience? Shall I say “worshipping” or “surrendering to God” or “being pious”? Is any of this appropriate here? Is not life as such, as it is, in all its aspects, just simple “being with God”? But even this is too much, for we do not know whether we are allowed to call this deep movement “God.” Regardless, even if the divine as such remains a mystery to us, we experience a creative power from beyond, simply through living. …. As you know, I spent many years in Africa, as a missionary with the Zulus. Their way of greeting one another was remarkable. When one Zulu meets another, the greeting is “Sakubona.” This means: “I have seen you.” The other replies in the same way: “Sakubona.” “I have seen you, too.” Now if we continue the conversation at this point, we usually ask: “How are you?” Zulus ask something completely different. They ask: “Usaphila? (Are you still alive?)” And the other replies: “Ngyakhona (I am still here).” What awe before life! What an experience of God, constantly being mindful of life as something so precious and living it in this spirit!
Sometimes the Zulus just sit, for hours. They are simply there and looking around, without doing anything. Then I might pass by and ask: “Are you not bored?” The reply would come: “But I am alive!” They are fulfilled by their life, and – we can say this – they are filled with God. …… Bert Hellinger, Talk given in Dornbirn Help for the soul in everyday living, 2012
By Patricia Lynn Reilly, A Deeper Wisdom, The 12 Steps from a Woman’s Perspective
Imagine that it didn’t happen the way you were told in the religious communities of childhood. imagine hearing Eve’s words read from the sacred text one morning at your church, synagogue, mosque, or women’s circle:
As the Mother of all Living, I pick the fruit of life. It is good and satisfies hunger. It is pleasant to the eye. It is wise and opens the way to self-discovery and understanding. Those among you who are curious, who lust for life in all its fluidity, dare with me–bite into your life and the fullness of its possibility.
After Eve’s words are read, the elder women give an apple to the first person in the row. As the crone hands you an apple, she looks into your eyes and says:
Take and eat of the good fruit of life. You are good. You are very good. Bite into the apple and savor its sweetness.
After everyone has partaken of the good fruit of life, the closing blessing is spoken:
Open to the depths of goodness within you. Believe in your goodness. Live out of the abundance of who you are as a child of life. Affirm the original goodness of your children until the stories of old hold no sway in their hearts. Bite into your life and fullness of its possibility.”
When a parent bird incubates an egg, s/he devotedly keeps the egg warm and safe; s/he does nothing but instead keeps still, staying fully present in order to give the egg all it needs to nurture the new life suspended within its maternal darkness.
Often when we are ill, this is what the ‘call’ from deep within us invites to do, to cease trying to ‘fix the problem’ and instead let go, retreat to our quiet cave, or nest and receive the gift of sacred, patient warmth. Ancient Greek incubation caves where the sick reclined, let go and waited, were seen as places of access to the Underworld, the unconscious, dreaming depths of soul where warming energy and secretive alchemical work abound.
To incubate, then, is to surrender to the therapeutic wisdom of Nature that resides deep within our bodies and souls. It is a phase of ’suspended animation’, when life is gently held, slowed and passively cocooned in sleep, rest, receptivity, visions and dreams that may illumine the meanings and gifts embedded in our wounds. Sacred incubation is this devotional decision to be fully present in our woundedness, instead of struggling to be free. It is only within this incubation phase that the gods who reside in our wounds are able to begin the work of realigning us with the energies of life that have become imbalanced, starved, disowned, misused, neglected, or unloved. Here, too, we may receive the luminous gift of understanding, the gentle dawning of insight into how and why we have become ill and what must be done, or undone if we are to become wholesomely reconciled to life’s fullness. It is only then – as night gradually reverts to day – that the urge to emerge softly moves us to leave the incubation cave.
Likewise, the chick within the egg struggles only when it is time to break free, yet even then the hatchling’s pecking forth is never hurried, panicked, or aggressive. Its breaking free is simply the natural reversion of receptivity to creative energy, of dark to light, of yin to yang. So it is with our own incubation as a gift we both receive from Nature and give to ourselves, out of compassion, need and reverence for the eternal way of Tao, the deep wisdom that lets us know when we are ready to emerge from the blanketing warmth and again take our place in the wounded World, as we limp, wander and waltz alone and together through the valleys of ‘soul-making’.
James Hillman studied with the great Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung in the 1950s and later became the first director of studies at the Jung Institute in Zurich. After returning to the United States in 1980, he taught at Yale, Syracuse and the universities of Chicago and Dallas. He also became editor of Spring Publications, a small Texas publisher devoted to the work of contemporary psychologists. And he wrote some twenty books of his own.
In spite of these achievements, Hillman was hardly an establishment figure in the world of psychology. If anything, he was looked upon by many in the profession as a profoundly subversive thinker, a thorn in the side of respectable psychologists.
As the founder of archetypal psychology — a school of thought aimed at “revisioning” or “reimagining” psychology — Hillman argued that the therapy business needs to evolve beyond reductionist “nature” and “nurture” theories of human development.
Over a period of almost five decades — until his death in October 2011 — he wrote, taught and lectured about the need to get therapy out of the consulting room and into the real world. Conventional psychology has lost touch with what he called “the soul’s code.” Overrun with “psychological seminars on how to clean closets or withhold orgasms,” psychology has become reduced to “a trivialized, banal, egocentric pursuit, rather than an exploration of the mysteries of human nature,” he wrote.
One of the greatest of these mysteries, Hillman believed, is the question of character and destiny. In his bestseller The Soul’s Code, he proposed that our calling in life is inborn and that it’s our mission in life to realize its imperatives. He called it the “acorn theory” — the idea that our lives are formed by a particular image, just as the oak’s destiny is contained in the tiny acorn.
In this interview, which appears in the July 2012 issue of The Sun magazine, we explore the idea of character and calling. Hillman never liked to give interviews and was a notoriously prickly conversationalist. He told me he harbored a deep mistrust of journalists and interviewers. “People have a terrible desire to talk about themselves,” he said. “They call it sharing, but it’s really chewing out someone else’s ear. Well, I don’t have that desire.”
So why consent to an interview with me? “Because I’m a nice guy,” he said with a mischievous grin. Ideas are like children, he added, “and you should try to get your children into the world if possible, to defend them and help them along. I don’t think it’s enough just to write and throw it out into the world. I think it’s useful to have to put yourself out there a little bit for what you believe.”
Scott London: You’ve been writing and lecturing about the need to overhaul psychotherapy since the early 1960s. Now all of a sudden the public seems receptive to your ideas: you’re on the bestseller lists and TV talk shows. Why do you think your work has suddenly struck a chord?
James Hillman: I think there is a paradigm shift going on in the culture. The old psychology just doesn’t work anymore. Too many people have been analyzing their pasts, their childhoods, their memories, their parents, and realizing that it doesn’t do anything — or that it doesn’t do enough.
London: You’re not a very popular figure with the therapy establishment.
People are itchy and lost and bored and quick to jump at any fix. Why is there such a vast self-help industry in this country? Why do all these selves need help? They have been deprived of something by our psychological culture, a sense that there is some purpose that has come with them into the world.
Hillman: I’m not critical of the people who do psychotherapy. The therapists in the trenches have to face an awful lot of the social, political, and economic failures of capitalism. They have to take care of all the rejects and failures. They are sincere and work hard with very little credit, and the HMOs and the pharmaceutical companies and insurance companies are trying to wipe them out. So certainly I am not attacking them. I am attacking the theories of psychotherapy. You don’t attack the grunts of Vietnam; you blame the theory behind the war. Nobody who fought in that war was at fault. It was the war itself that was at fault. It’s the same thing with psychotherapy. It makes every problem a subjective, inner problem. And that’s not where the problems come from. They come from the environment, the cities, the economy, the racism. They come from architecture, school systems, capitalism, exploitation. They come from many places that psychotherapy does not address. Psychotherapy theory turns it all on you: you are the one who is wrong. What I’m trying to say is that, if a kid is having trouble or is discouraged, the problem is not just inside the kid; it’s also in the system, the society.
London: You can’t fix the person without fixing the society.
Hillman: I don’t think so. But I don’t think anything changes until ideas change. The usual American viewpoint is to believe that something is wrong with the person. We approach people the same way we approach our cars. We take the poor kid to a doctor and ask, “What’s wrong with him, how much will it cost, and when can I pick him up?” We can’t change anything until we get some fresh ideas, until we begin to see things differently. My goal is to create a therapy of ideas, to try to bring in new ideas so that we can see the same old problems differently.
London: You’ve said that you usually write out of “hatred, dislike, and destruction.”
Hillman: I’ve found that contemporary psychology enrages me with its simplistic ideas of human life, and also its emptiness. In the cosmology that’s behind psychology, there is no reason for anyone to be here or do anything. We are driven by the results of the Big Bang, billions of years ago, which eventually produced life, which eventually produced human beings, and so on. But me? I’m an accident — a result — and therefore a victim.
London: A victim?
Hillman: Well, if I’m only a result of past causes, then I’m a victim of those past causes. There is no deeper meaning behind things that gives me a reason to be here. Or, if you look at it from the sociological perspective, I’m the result of upbringing, class, race, gender, social prejudices, and economics. So I’m a victim again. A result.
London: What about the idea that we are self-made, that since life is an accident we have the freedom to make ourselves into anything we want?
Hillman: Yes, we worship the idea of the “self-made man” — otherwise we’d go on strike against Bill Gates having all that money! We worship that idea. We vote for Perot. We think he’s a great, marvelous, honest man. We send money to his campaign, even though he is one of the richest capitalists in our culture. Imagine, sending money to Perot! It’s unbelievable, yet it’s part of that worship of individuality.
But the culture is going into a psychological depression. We are concerned about our place in the world, about being competitive: Will my children have as much as I have? Will I ever own my own home? How can I pay for a new car? Are immigrants taking away my white world? All of this anxiety and depression casts doubt on whether I can make it as a heroic John Wayne-style individual.
London: In The Soul’s Code, you talk about something called the “acorn theory.” What is that?
Hillman: Well, it’s more of a myth than a theory. It’s Plato’s myth that you come into the world with a destiny, although he uses the word paradigma, or paradigm, instead of destiny. The acorn theory says that there is an individual image that belongs to your soul.
The same myth can be found in the kabbalah. The Mormons have it. The West Africans have it. The Hindus and the Buddhists have it in different ways — they tie it more to reincarnation and karma, but you still come into the world with a particular destiny. Native Americans have it very strongly. So all these cultures all over the world have this basic understanding of human existence. Only American psychology doesn’t have it.
London: In our culture we tend to think of calling in terms of “vocation” or “career.”
Hillman: Yes, but calling can refer not only to ways of doing — meaning work — but also to ways of being. Take being a friend. Goethe said that his friend Eckermann was born for friendship. Aristotle made friendship one of the great virtues. In his book on ethics, three or four chapters are on friendship. In the past, friendship was a huge thing. But it’s hard for us to think of friendship as a calling, because it’s not a vocation.
London: Motherhood is another example that comes to mind. Mothers are still expected to have a vocation above and beyond being a mother.
Hillman: Right, it’s not enough just to be a mother. It’s not only the social pressure on mothers by certain kinds of feminism and other sources. There is also economic pressure on them. It’s a terrible cruelty of predatory capitalism: both parents now have to work. A family has to have two incomes in order to buy the things that are desirable in our culture. So the degradation of motherhood — the sense that motherhood isn’t itself a calling — also arises from economic pressure.
London: What implications do your ideas have for parents?
Hillman: I think what I’m saying should relieve them hugely and make them want to pay more attention to their child, this peculiar stranger who has landed in their midst. Instead of saying, “This is my child,” they must ask, “Who is this child who happens to be mine?” Then they will gain a lot more respect for the child and try to keep an eye open for instances where the kid’s destiny might show itself — like in a resistance to school, for example, or a strange set of symptoms one year, or an obsession with one thing or another. Maybe something very important is going on there that the parents didn’t see before.
London: Symptoms are so often seen as weaknesses.
Hillman: Right, so they set up some sort of medical or psychotherapeutic program to get rid of them, when the symptoms may be the most crucial part of the kid. There are many stories in my book that illustrate this.
London: How much resistance do you encounter to your idea that we chose our parents?
Hillman: Well, it annoys a lot of people who hate their parents, or whose parents were cruel and deserted them or abused them. But it’s amazing how, when you ponder that idea for a little bit, it can free you of a lot of blame and resentment and fixation on your parents.
London: I got into a lengthy discussion about your book with a friend of mine who is the mother of a six-year-old. While she subscribes to your idea that her daughter has a unique potential, perhaps even a “code,” she is wary of what that means in practice. She fears that it might saddle the child with a lot of expectations.
Hillman: That’s a very intelligent mother. I think the worst atmosphere for a six-year-old is one in which there are no expectations whatsoever. That is, it’s worse for the child to grow up in a vacuum where “whatever you do is alright, I’m sure you’ll succeed.” That is a statement of disinterest. It says, “I really have no fantasies for you at all.”
A mother should have some fantasy about her child’s future. It will increase her interest in the child, for one thing. To turn the fantasy into a program to make the child fly an airplane across the country, for example, isn’t the point. That’s the fulfillment of the parent’s own dreams. That’s different. Having a fantasy — which the child will either seek to fulfill or rebel against furiously — at least gives a child some expectation to meet or reject.
London: What about the idea of giving children tests to find out their aptitudes?
Hillman: Aptitude can show calling, but it isn’t the only indicator. Ineptitude or dysfunction may reveal calling more than talent, curiously enough. Or there can be a very slow formation of character.
London: What is the first step toward understanding one’s calling?
Hillman: It’s important to ask yourself, “How am I useful to others? What do people want from me?” That may very well reveal what you are here for.
Suppose that throughout your childhood you were good with numbers. Other kids used to copy your homework. You figured store discounts faster than your parents. People came to you for help with such things. So you took accounting and eventually became a tax auditor for the IRS. What an embarrassing job, right? You feel you should be writing poetry or doing aviation mechanics or whatever. But then you realize that tax collecting can be a calling too. When you look into the archetypal nature of taxation, you realize that all civilizations have had taxation of one sort or another. Some of the earliest Egyptian writing is about tax collecting — the scribe recording what was paid and what wasn’t paid.
So when you consider the archetypal, historical, and cultural background of whatever you do, it gives you a sense that your occupation can be a calling and not just a job.
London: What do you think of traditional techniques for revealing the soul’s code, such as the wise woman who reads palms, or the village elders whose job it is to look at a child and see that child’s destiny? Would it be helpful to revive these traditions?
Hillman: First of all, I don’t think you can revive traditions on purpose. Second of all, I think those traditions are going on underground. Many people will tell you about some astrologer who said this or that to them, or some teacher. So it’s very widespread in the subculture.
What I try to point out is the role an ordinary person can have in seeing the child’s destiny. You have to have a feeling for the child. It’s almost an erotic thing, like the filmmaker Elia Kazan’s stories of how his teacher “took to him.” She said to him, “When you were only twelve, you stood near my desk one morning and the light from the window fell across your head and features and illuminated the expression on your face. The thought came to me of the great possibilities there in your development.” She saw his beauty. Now that, you see, is something different from just going to the wise woman.
London: In The Soul’s Code, you tell a similar story about Truman Capote.
Hillman: In Capote’s case, his teacher responded to his crazy fantasies. He was a difficult boy who threw temper tantrums in which he would lie on the floor and kick, who refused to go to class, who combed his hair all the time — an impossible kid. She responded to his absurdities with equal absurdities. She took to him. Teachers today can’t take to a child. It will be called manipulation, or seduction, or pedophilia.
London: Or preferential treatment.
Hillman: Right. James Baldwin is another example. He attended a little Harlem schoolhouse of fifty kids. Conditions were appalling. His teacher was a Midwestern white woman. And yet they clicked.
You see, we don’t need to get back to the wise woman in the village. We need to get back to trusting our emotional rapport with children, to seeing a child’s beauty and singling that child out. That’s how the mentor system works — you’re caught up in the fantasy of another person. Your imagination and their come together.
London: Of all the historical figures you studied while researching The Soul’s Code, who fascinated you the most?
Hillman: They all did. All these little stories fascinated me. Take Martin Scorcese, another filmmaker, for example. He was a very short kid and had terrible asthma. He couldn’t go out into the streets of Little Italy in Manhattan and play with the other kids. So he would sit up in his room and look out the window at what was going on and make little drawings — cartoons, with numerous frames — of the scene. In effect, he was making movies at nine years old.
London: What about someone like Adolf Hitler, the prototypical “bad seed”? Is he an example of a destiny gone awry, or perhaps the fulfillment of some sort of twisted destiny?
Hillman: It’s a puzzle. How can Hitler, or some other murderer, appear in this world? I don’t think any single theory can account for the phenomenon, and I think it’s a mistake to try to reduce it to being brutalized by your parents or having grown up in some horrible situation — like Charles Manson. Jeffrey Dahmer had a wonderful father. His father even wrote a book saying that it was his fault that Jeffrey was the way he was. His father had strange dreams in his youth that were very similar to some of the crimes that Dahmer committed. So the father took responsibility. But he was not a bad father at all. When Jeffrey was four, they were carving pumpkins for Halloween, and Jeffrey screamed, “Make a mean face!” He would not let his father put a smile on the pumpkin’s face. “I want a mean face!” he screamed. He was in a fury.
So I think there is such a thing as a bad seed that comes to flower in certain people. The danger with that theory is that we begin to look for those “troublemakers” early on and try to weed them out. That’s very dangerous, because it could work against kids who are just routine troublemakers. But then you look at a child like Mary Bell in England, who was ten when she strangled two little boys — one three and one five. Yes, there were extenuating circumstances. She had a “bad” mother, so to speak. But to think that she would note have “flowered” if her mother had been in therapy, or that (as psychologist Alice Miller thinks) there would have been no Adolf Hitler if Hitler’s family had been treated — that’s just naive.
London: You’ve written that “the great task of any culture is to keep the invisibles attached.” What do you mean by that?
Hillman: It’s a difficult idea to present without leaving psychology and getting into religion. I don’t talk about who the invisibles are or where they live or what they want. There is no real theology in it. But it’s the only way we can get out of being so human-centered: to remain attached to something other than humans.
Hillman: Yes, but it doesn’t have to be that lofty.
London: Our calling?
Hillman: I think the first step is the realization that each of us has such a thing. And then we must look back over our lives and look at some of the accidents and curiosities and oddities and troubles and sicknesses and begin to see more in those things than we saw before. It raises questions, so that when peculiar little accidents happen, you ask whether there is something else at work in your life. It doesn’t necessarily have to involve an out-of-body experience during surgery, or the sort of high-level magic that the new age hopes to press on us. It’s more a sensitivity, such as a person living in a tribal culture would have: the concept that there are other forces at work. A more reverential way of living.
London: When you talk in those terms, it seems to me that the boundary between psychology and theology gets a little blurry. Psychology deals with the will, and religion deals with fate. Yet this is not clearly not one or the other, but a bit of both.
Hillman: You’re right. It isn’t such an easy thing as the old argument of free will versus predestination. The Greek idea of fate is moira, which means “portion.” Fate rules a portion of your life. But there is more to life than just fate. There is also genetics, environment, economics, and so on. So it’s not all written in the book before you get here, such that you don’t have to do anything. That’s fatalism.
London: What is the danger for a child who grows up never understanding his or her destiny?
Hillman: I think our entire civilization exemplifies that danger. People are itchy and lost and bored and quick to jump at any fix. Why is there such a vast self-help industry in this country? Why do all these selves need help? They have been deprived of something by our psychological culture. They have been deprived of the sense that there is something else in life, some purpose that has come with them into the world.
London: Is it possible never to discover that “something else” — to turn your back on it, or to resist it and therefore “waste” your life?
Hillman: I tend to think that you fulfill your own destiny, whether you realize it or not. You may not become a celebrity. You may even experience lots of illness or divorce, or unhappiness. But I think there is still a thread of individual character that determines how you live through those things.
London: It seems to me that illness and divorce an prompt you to explore some themes in life more thoroughly than others.
Hillman: Certainly. I just read about John Le Carre, the great spy novelist. He had an absolutely miserable childhood. His mother deserted him when he was young. His father was a playboy and a drunk. He was shifted around to many different homes. He knew he was a writer when he was about nine, but he was dyslexic. So here was a person with an absolutely messed-up childhood and a symptom that prevented him from doing what he wanted to do most. Yet that very symptom was part of the calling. It forced him to go deeper. Any symptom can force you to go deeper into some area.
Many people nowadays who discover that they have a major symptom, whether psychological or physical, begin to study it. They get drawn very deeply into the area of their trouble. They want to know more than their doctor. That’s a curious thing, and not at all the way it used to be. People used to trust their doctor. They went to an expert. Now people have new ideas and are thinking for themselves. That’s a very important change in our collective psychology.
London: You write that one of the most stultifying things about modern psychology is that it’s lost its sense of beauty.
Hillman: Yes, if it ever had one. Beauty has never been an important topic in the writings of the major psychologists. In fact, for Jung, aesthetics is a weak, early stage of development. He follows the Germanic view that ethics is more important than aesthetics, and he draws a stark contrast between the two. Freud may have written about literature a bit, but an aesthetic sensitivity is not part of his psychology.
London: And this has trickled down to therapists today?
Hillman: Yes. Art, for example, becomes “art therapy.” When patients make music, it becomes “music therapy.” When the arts are used for “therapy” in this way, they are degraded to a secondary position.
Beauty is something everybody longs for, needs, and tries to obtain in some way — whether through nature, or a man or a woman, or music, or whatever. The soul yearns for it. Psychology seems to have forgotten that.
London: But doesn’t psychology have more in common with medicine than the arts?
Hillman: Well, one strand of psychotherapy is certainly to help relieve suffering, which is a genuine medical concern. If someone is bleeding, you want to stop the bleeding. Another medical aspect is the treatment of chronic complaints that are disabling in some way. And many of our troubles are chronic. Life is chronic. So there is a reasonable, sensible, medical side to psychotherapy.
But when the medical becomes scientistic; when it becomes analytical, diagnostic, statistical, and remedial; when it comes under the influence of pharmacology and HMOs — limiting patients to six conversations and those kinds of things — then we’ve lost the art altogether, and we’re just doing business: industrial, corporate business.
London: Doesn’t this have to do with the fact that, at a certain point in its development, psychology adopted the reductive method in order to gain the respectability of science?
Hillman: I think you’re absolutely correct. But as the popular trust in science fades — and many sociologists say that’s happening today — people will develop a distrust of purely “scientific” psychology. Researchers in the universities haven’t picked up on this; they’re more interested in genetics and computer models of thinking than ever. But, in general, there is a huge distrust of the scientific establishment now.
London: As people rebel against the scientific approach, they often wind up at the other extreme. We’re seeing many new forms of self-help and personal-growth therapies based on non-rational beliefs.
Hillman: The new age self-help phenomenon is pretty mushy, but it’s also very American. Our history is filled with traveling preachers and quack medicine and searches for the soul. I don’t see this as a new thing. I think the new age is part of a phenomenon that’s been there all along.
London: In some respects, you are a critic of the new age. Yet I noticed that a couple of reviewers of The Soul’s Code have placed you in the new age category. How do you feel about that?
Hillman: Well, some reviewers have a scientistic ax to grind. To them, my book had to be either science or new age mush. It’s very hard in our adversarial society to find a third view. Take journalism, where everything is always presented as one person against another: “Now we’re going to hear the opposing view.” There is never a third view.
My book is about a third view. It says, yes, there’s genetics. Yes, there are chromosomes. Yes, there’s biology. Yes, there are environment, sociology, parenting, economics, class, and all of that. But there is something else, as well. So if you come at my book from the side of science, you see it as “new age.” If you come at the book from the side of the new age, you say it doesn’t go far enough — it’s too rational.
London: I remember a public talk you gave a while back. People wanted to ask you all sorts of questions about your view of the soul, and you were a bit testy with them.
Hillman: I’ve been wrestling with these questions for thirty-five years. I sometimes get short-tempered in a public situation because I think, Oh God, I can’t go back over that again. I can’t put that into a two-word answer. I can’t. Wherever I go, people say, “Can I ask you a quick question?” It’s always, “a quick question.” Well, my answers are slow. [Laughs]
London: You mentioned Goethe earlier. He remarked that our greatest happiness lies in practicing a talent that we were meant to use. Are we so miserable, as a culture, because we’re dissociated from our inborn talents, our soul’s code.
Hillman: I think we’re miserable partly because we have only one god, and that’s economics. Economics is a slave-driver. No one has free time; no one has any leisure. The whole culture is under terrible pressure and fraught with worry. It’s hard to get out of that box. That’s the dominant situation all over the world.
Also, I see happiness as a by-product, not something you pursue directly. I don’t think you can pursue happiness. I think that phrase is one of the very few mistakes the Founding Fathers made. Maybe they meant something a little different from what we mean today — happiness as one’s well-being on earth.
London: It’s hard to pursue happiness. It seems to creep up on you.
Hillman: Ikkyu, the crazy Japanese monk, has a poem:
You do this, you do that You argue left, you argue right You come down, you go up This person says no, you say yes Back and forth You are happy You are really happy
What he is saying is: Stop all that nonsense. You’re really happy. Just stop for a minute and you’ll realize you’re happy just being. I think it’s the pursuit that screws up happiness. If we drop the pursuit, it’s right here.
This interview was adapted from the public radio series “Insight & Outlook.” It’s also available in Spanish (translated by Enrique Eskenazi) and Italian (translated by Rinaldo Lampis). An expanded version of the interview appeared in the March 1998 issue of The Sun magazine under the title, “From Little Acorns: A Radical New Psychology.” It was republished by The Sun in July 2012 in a special section honoring Hillman after his death.
The country we come from, our Homeland and our country are part of our destiny.
They are closely connected to our mother. Our homeland for us is like a mother. We have received everything essential from our homeland. Therefore, we have an obligation towards our homeland. As in other relationships there must be a balance of giving and taking. We have received so many gifts from our homeland: education, a culture that supports us and the language we speak. Therefore we feel we have to give back something to our homeland by serving it in many different ways.
Sometimes our homeland gets into trouble. We have seen that for instance in Croatia, Serbia, Bosnia, Albania. These countries got into trouble and then many of the people tried to escape these troubles by moving to another country. In this way they refused to bear the same fate along with their homeland. What is the result of this act? They lose strength. We can observe how many of them, just as they were not prepared to serve their homeland, very often also refuse to serve the country that receives them. In both countries they stay in an attitude of: I take without giving something in return. I have observed that some of those who leave their homeland in order to escape their obligations, there get it! Then they have to return to their homeland in order to get well again.
Some people have to leave their homeland for various other reasons and seek refuge in another country. I do not question that. Then, in their new homeland, they have to acquire the right to stay by being ready to serve this country. How does that apply to business? A business is safe if it is connected with its homeland and serves the people in its homeland. They come first. Then a business may expand, but its roots must remain in its homeland. Then it is much safer for it to spread somewhere else.
Some people want to leave their homeland with the idea that they will find their luck and good fortune somewhere else; this has very much to do with the relationship to their mother. If we have lost the relationship with our mothers, we have also lost our relationship to our homeland. If we have found the relationship to our mother again we have also found the relationship to our homeland again. In our homeland we are on solid ground. We can get much more support in our original surroundings than we can hope for somewhere else.
Someone asked the question: what happens if a company has been established in one country, and then they see that in another country they can produce more cheaply? Then they leave their homeland in a certain way. On the other hand, they serve another country as well. I do not judge this in any way. If in our hearts we have a connection to our homeland and we expand and serve other countries as well – this is part of a worldwide movement of globalization by which various countries develop a closer relationship than seemed possible a few years ago. I consider globalization as a movement for the benefit of many beyond our own homeland towards a greater community.”
Amazing movie. A generational love story interwoven with death, tragedies, trauma, yet, strength and love.
When one of the character Isabel Diaz is near her death, she said a formal goodbye to her son Rigo. And this is what she says:
” Listen to me. Rigo, you have had many ups and downs in your life. Too many. And you will have more. This is life. And this is what it does. Life brings you to your knees. It brings you lower than you think you can go. But if you stand back up and move forward, if you go just a little farther, you will always find love. I found love in you. And my life, my story, it will continue after i’m gone. Because you are my story. You are your father’s story. Your uncle’s. Rigo, my body fails me, but you are me. So you go now, give me a beautiful life. The most beautiful life ever. Yeah? And if life brings us to our knees, you stand us back up. You get up and go farther, and find us the love. Will you do that?”
I tell another secret: I know three magic words for a happy couple’s relationship. They are: Yes. Please. Thank you. You can even close your eyes and imagine this:
We look to our partner to whom we have a close relationship, and he looks us in the eye. Then everyone says to another: “Yes, I agree with you, as you are. To me you are right, as you are. Yes, I love you, exactly as you are. I love your mother, exactly as she is. I love your father, exactly as he is. I love your family as it is, as equal to mine. ” Yes is the first magic word. Then comes the second magic word. Both look at each other and say to each other: “Please Please support me in my own way.” What changes in the soul simply by the word ‘please’? It opens the heart and lets the love flow. Then comes the third magic word. Both look at each other, and each says the other “Thank you. Thank you Thank you..” There are so many ways to say thank you, for example, when the partner prepares a common meal, when he listens patiently and shares an advice or when he shows his love with maybe even the smallest gesture.
This is how we can actually heal our earth and reverse the climate change—- using livestock to mimic natural dynamic (predator and prey).
Martin Pretchel in his book Long Life, Honey in the Heart talks about the Mayan concept of kas-limaal which roughly means “mutual indebtedness, mutual insparkedness.”
He said: “The knowledge that every animal, plant, person, wind and season is indebted to the fruit of everything else is an adult knowledge. To get out of debt means you don’t want to be part of life, and you don’t want to grow into an adult.”
“Like a caring mother holding and guarding the life of her only child, so with a boundless heart of loving kindness, hold yourself and all beings as your beloved children.” ~ Buddha
The teaching of Buddha is full of self-love, self-acceptance, self-compassion and self-care. In Buddhism, there is no such concept as good and evil. People do bad things or harm others because they are ignorant or unconscious of what is going on in them.
To accept the basic goodness in people is not easy, especially when we look at criminals, war crimes, rapists, child abusers…etc. People might say how we can use the excuse that these “bad” people are just ignorant.
Trungpa Rinpoche said that to be a spiritual warrior means that we refuse to give up on anyone or anything. He said this is the essence of human bravery.
When I look at Bert Hellinger’s work of Family Constellation, he advocates we need to acknowledge what is. In the work of family constellation or Shamanic healing, I have seen some difficult situations that cause the clients misery. It can be war, death in the family, accidents, exploitations…etc. The sufferings are tremendous and devastating.
If we could not accept what is and hold the expectations on how people and things should be, we can’t move forward with life and live our life fully.
Romaine Rolland said: ” There is only one heroism in the world: to see the world as it is, and to love it.”
On our soul level, the only reason our fates bind with each other is out of love. Even it is the relationship between perpetrators and victims, the living and the dead. We are all connected to one another as one.
Buddha’s teaching reflects this.
The place to start is within ourselves. We all have the parts we love and hate about ourselves. Hold ourselves, especially the unwanted part of us, as our beloved child. Nurture it. Ask it what it is that we wanted the most and didn’t get from the outside. And then connect to the loving and kind source of the universe, whether you call it god(s), Buddha, helping spirits, power animals, spiritual guides, guardian angels…etc. Ask its wisdom, love and care coming in to our sore spots in our heart.
As Tara Brach mentioned in her book Radical Acceptance “When we embrace ourselves and others with Radical Acceptance, we are seeing past the roles, stories and behaviours that obscure our true nature. “
Being ultra friendly with ourselves is the key and the cornerstone on the path of our healing..