Amazing movie. A generational love story interwoven with death, tragedies, trauma, yet, strength and love.
When one of the character Isabel Diaz is near her death, she said a formal goodbye to her son Rigo. And this is what she says:
” Listen to me. Rigo, you have had many ups and downs in your life. Too many. And you will have more. This is life. And this is what it does. Life brings you to your knees. It brings you lower than you think you can go. But if you stand back up and move forward, if you go just a little farther, you will always find love. I found love in you. And my life, my story, it will continue after i’m gone. Because you are my story. You are your father’s story. Your uncle’s. Rigo, my body fails me, but you are me. So you go now, give me a beautiful life. The most beautiful life ever. Yeah? And if life brings us to our knees, you stand us back up. You get up and go farther, and find us the love. Will you do that?”
I tell another secret: I know three magic words for a happy couple’s relationship. They are: Yes. Please. Thank you. You can even close your eyes and imagine this:
We look to our partner to whom we have a close relationship, and he looks us in the eye. Then everyone says to another: “Yes, I agree with you, as you are. To me you are right, as you are. Yes, I love you, exactly as you are. I love your mother, exactly as she is. I love your father, exactly as he is. I love your family as it is, as equal to mine. ” Yes is the first magic word. Then comes the second magic word. Both look at each other and say to each other: “Please Please support me in my own way.” What changes in the soul simply by the word ‘please’? It opens the heart and lets the love flow. Then comes the third magic word. Both look at each other, and each says the other “Thank you. Thank you Thank you..” There are so many ways to say thank you, for example, when the partner prepares a common meal, when he listens patiently and shares an advice or when he shows his love with maybe even the smallest gesture.
“Like a caring mother holding and guarding the life of her only child, so with a boundless heart of loving kindness, hold yourself and all beings as your beloved children.” ~ Buddha
The teaching of Buddha is full of self-love, self-acceptance, self-compassion and self-care. In Buddhism, there is no such concept as good and evil. People do bad things or harm others because they are ignorant or unconscious of what is going on in them.
To accept the basic goodness in people is not easy, especially when we look at criminals, war crimes, rapists, child abusers…etc. People might say how we can use the excuse that these “bad” people are just ignorant.
Trungpa Rinpoche said that to be a spiritual warrior means that we refuse to give up on anyone or anything. He said this is the essence of human bravery.
When I look at Bert Hellinger’s work of Family Constellation, he advocates we need to acknowledge what is. In the work of family constellation or Shamanic healing, I have seen some difficult situations that cause the clients misery. It can be war, death in the family, accidents, exploitations…etc. The sufferings are tremendous and devastating.
If we could not accept what is and hold the expectations on how people and things should be, we can’t move forward with life and live our life fully.
Romaine Rolland said: ” There is only one heroism in the world: to see the world as it is, and to love it.”
On our soul level, the only reason our fates bind with each other is out of love. Even it is the relationship between perpetrators and victims, the living and the dead. We are all connected to one another as one.
Buddha’s teaching reflects this.
The place to start is within ourselves. We all have the parts we love and hate about ourselves. Hold ourselves, especially the unwanted part of us, as our beloved child. Nurture it. Ask it what it is that we wanted the most and didn’t get from the outside. And then connect to the loving and kind source of the universe, whether you call it god(s), Buddha, helping spirits, power animals, spiritual guides, guardian angels…etc. Ask its wisdom, love and care coming in to our sore spots in our heart.
As Tara Brach mentioned in her book Radical Acceptance “When we embrace ourselves and others with Radical Acceptance, we are seeing past the roles, stories and behaviours that obscure our true nature. “
Being ultra friendly with ourselves is the key and the cornerstone on the path of our healing..