Fake Introvert

This youtube video reminds me of the time when i first moved here. I always thought i was an extrovert back home, especially when i speak my mother tongue. But when i first moved here, i experienced how it was like to be an introvert because of the language barrier. It was not that i didn’t speak any English. I was just overwhelmed by all this unfamiliar topics, terms, slangs, cultures,social etiquettes…etc. Well, even familiarize with the pronunciation of people’s name was a great challenge. Everything was just so new that it required a new set of brain cells to grow so all the new information can be accomodated in my little brain. It was like i needed a new set of CPU and hard drive to process and store all the new data.

So i have those really awkward moments of silence during conversations with people. It’s not that i want to create the awkwardness, it’s more like my CPU was too slow and the computer is experiencing a really bad lag and unable to grab any useful information to use at the moment. I’m sure everyone has that moment that computer is just not moving anywhere in the middle of the work. And in real life the lag translated into awkward silence. lol.

Because of this, I tended to feel exhausted after social gatherings. I felt i was drained a lot and needed to recoup by being in the secluding mode. It has nothing to do with who i hung out with. My brain was just generally overloaded. hahaha. At that time, i thought i was really an introvert that i never really knew i was. I felt I was no longer my original self. My personality seemed splited in two sides…I was comfortable when I’m with family and friends who speak Chinese and was overloaded when i’m with family and friends who speak English.

Trying to pull myself out of the two personalities and being an observer, i saw how different I could be in different environments.

Now i guess the development of the brain cells is more equal for two different languages and cultures and i integrated both sides of me after so many years. The awkward silence (lagging process timeXD) decreases…it didn’t not disappear 100% but it got much better. haha.

Now i think i’m more like an omnivert (who came up with all these interesting definition?! haha) who is extrovert in a low stimulating environment and introvert in a high stimulating environment. For me, high stimulating environment is the place i am really not familiar with. People speak English or Chinese but I couldn’t really get the context of the content or it is just the place or occassion that i haven’t got used to yet.

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