Fake Introvert

This youtube video reminds me of the time when i first moved here. I always thought i was an extrovert back home, especially when i speak my mother tongue. But when i first moved here, i experienced how it was like to be an introvert because of the language barrier. It was not that i didn’t speak any English. I was just overwhelmed by all this unfamiliar topics, terms, slangs, cultures,social etiquettes…etc. Well, even familiarize with the pronunciation of people’s name was a great challenge. Everything was just so new that it required a new set of brain cells to grow so all the new information can be accomodated in my little brain. It was like i needed a new set of CPU and hard drive to process and store all the new data.

So i have those really awkward moments of silence during conversations with people. It’s not that i want to create the awkwardness, it’s more like my CPU was too slow and the computer is experiencing a really bad lag and unable to grab any useful information to use at the moment. I’m sure everyone has that moment that computer is just not moving anywhere in the middle of the work. And in real life the lag translated into awkward silence. lol.

Because of this, I tended to feel exhausted after social gatherings. I felt i was drained a lot and needed to recoup by being in the secluding mode. It has nothing to do with who i hung out with. My brain was just generally overloaded. hahaha. At that time, i thought i was really an introvert that i never really knew i was. I felt I was no longer my original self. My personality seemed splited in two sides…I was comfortable when I’m with family and friends who speak Chinese and was overloaded when i’m with family and friends who speak English.

Trying to pull myself out of the two personalities and being an observer, i saw how different I could be in different environments.

Now i guess the development of the brain cells is more equal for two different languages and cultures and i integrated both sides of me after so many years. The awkward silence (lagging process timeXD) decreases…it didn’t not disappear 100% but it got much better. haha.

Now i think i’m more like an omnivert (who came up with all these interesting definition?! haha) who is extrovert in a low stimulating environment and introvert in a high stimulating environment. For me, high stimulating environment is the place i am really not familiar with. People speak English or Chinese but I couldn’t really get the context of the content or it is just the place or occassion that i haven’t got used to yet.

The Mystery Too Great to See

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” The roaring of lions, the howling of the wolves, the raging of the stormy sea, and the destructive sword, are portion of eternity too great for the eye of man. “~~ Blake

When we stand in front of the issues we are facing at this moment in our lives, we are usually overwhelmed by the darkness of it. We can’t see the purpose of the suffering, especially when it comes to perpetrator and victim relation. It is hard to see it from the soul level and see the deeper meaning that we are just all in service to a higher purpose of the divine.

We tend to blame, put guilt and shame on the perpetrator. After all, it is all their fault, isn’t it?

However, the divine source has its intelligence to orchestrate the roles we are playing. And it is mostly too vast to be understood by human beings who live in our ego shell.

Bow to the mystery and the vastness of the divine source. This is the only way to get to the entrance of seeing all mystery.

Knowledge and Obstacle

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“Often it is our own knowledge that is the biggest obstacle to us touching suchness. That is why it’s very important to learn how to release our own views. Knowledge is the obstacle to knowledge. If you are dogmatic in your way of thinking, it is very difficult to receive new insights, to conceive of new theories and understandings about the world.”
~ Thich Nhat Hanh

I really like the Parable of the Raft from Buddha.

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The Debate of Who Can Be A Shaman

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(I recognized the word Shaman should be only used for the Shamanic Practitioners who come from or are still in the tradition or culture as our respect for their lineages. For the ease of the writing, in this article the word Shaman and Shamanic Practitioner are used interchangeably.)

I’ve been following the discussion of the debate that who can actually be the Shaman on the Shamanism Facebook group. It is very interesting to hear the aspects from different angles, cultures and experiences.

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The Power of Stories

 

The power of knowing our parents’ life stores brings in understanding, love, connection and appreciation. This is a powerful healing of our ancestors. Although we can’t change the fact they didn’t fulfill their dreams and we can’t fulfill that for them, the understanding takes us to the place of peace and power.

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Fire Ceremony

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What’s Fire Ceremony?

Fire has the transformation power for rapid change.  Having Fire Ceremony is a great way to let go of the old story, unwanted memory, negative emotion or old belief structure. When we stand in front of fire, we can ask for purification and let go of whatever doesn’t serve us anymore.

The best time for Fire Ceremony is during season changes, like equinox, New Moon, Full Moon or New Year. It’s the best time to let go of the old and to welcome the new.

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