Life Itself

Amazing movie. A generational love story interwoven with death, tragedies, trauma, yet, strength and love.

When one of the character Isabel Diaz is near her death, she said a formal goodbye to her son Rigo. And this is what she says:

” Listen to me. Rigo, you have had many ups and downs in your life. Too many. And you will have more. This is life. And this is what it does. Life brings you to your knees. It brings you lower than you think you can go. But if you stand back up and move forward, if you go just a little farther, you will always find love. I found love in you. And my life, my story, it will continue after i’m gone. Because you are my story. You are your father’s story. Your uncle’s. Rigo, my body fails me, but you are me. So you go now, give me a beautiful life. The most beautiful life ever. Yeah? And if life brings us to our knees, you stand us back up. You get up and go farther, and find us the love. Will you do that?”

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3 Magic Words In A Couple Relationship

Reflecting on this today.

Bert Hellinger:

I tell another secret: I know three magic words for a happy couple’s relationship. They are: Yes. Please. Thank you. You can even close your eyes and imagine this:

We look to our partner to whom we have a close relationship, and he looks us in the eye. Then everyone says to another: “Yes, I agree with you, as you are. To me you are right, as you are. Yes, I love you, exactly as you are. I love your mother, exactly as she is. I love your father, exactly as he is. I love your family as it is, as equal to mine. ” Yes is the first magic word.
Then comes the second magic word. Both look at each other and say to each other: “Please Please support me in my own way.” What changes in the soul simply by the word ‘please’? It opens the heart and lets the love flow.
Then comes the third magic word. Both look at each other, and each says the other “Thank you. Thank you Thank you..” There are so many ways to say thank you, for example, when the partner prepares a common meal, when he listens patiently and shares an advice or when he shows his love with maybe even the smallest gesture.

From the book of Bert Hellinger: My Life, My Work

Martin Pretchel in his book Long Life, Honey in the Heart talks about the Mayan concept of kas-limaal which roughly means “mutual indebtedness, mutual insparkedness.”

He said: “The knowledge that every animal, plant, person, wind and season is indebted to the fruit of everything else is an adult knowledge. To get out of debt means you don’t want to be part of life, and you don’t want to grow into an adult.”

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Ultra Friendliness To Oneself

“Like a caring mother holding and guarding the life of her only child, so with a boundless heart of loving kindness, hold yourself and all beings as your beloved children.” ~ Buddha

The teaching of Buddha is full of self-love, self-acceptance, self-compassion and self-care. In Buddhism, there is no such concept as good and evil. People do bad things or harm others because they are ignorant or unconscious of what is going on in them.

To accept the basic goodness in people is not easy, especially when we look at criminals, war crimes, rapists, child abusers…etc. People might say how we can use the excuse that these “bad” people are just ignorant.

Trungpa Rinpoche said that to be a spiritual warrior means that we refuse to give up on anyone or anything. He said this is the essence of human bravery.

When I look at Bert Hellinger’s work of Family Constellation, he advocates we need to acknowledge what is. In the work of family constellation or Shamanic healing, I have seen some difficult situations that cause the clients misery. It can be war, death in the family, accidents, exploitations…etc. The sufferings are tremendous and devastating.

If we could not accept what is and hold the expectations on how people and things should be, we can’t move forward with life and live our life fully.

Romaine Rolland said: ” There is only one heroism in the world: to see the world as it is, and to love it.”

On our soul level, the only reason our fates bind with each other is out of love. Even it is the relationship between perpetrators and victims, the living and the dead. We are all connected to one another as one.

Buddha’s teaching reflects this.

The place to start is within ourselves. We all have the parts we love and hate about ourselves. Hold ourselves, especially the unwanted part of us, as our beloved child. Nurture it. Ask it what it is that we wanted the most and didn’t get from the outside. And then connect to the loving and kind source of the universe, whether you call it god(s), Buddha, helping spirits, power animals, spiritual guides, guardian angels…etc. Ask its wisdom, love and care coming in to our sore spots in our heart.

As Tara Brach mentioned in her book Radical Acceptance “When we embrace ourselves and others with Radical Acceptance, we are seeing past the roles, stories and behaviours that obscure our true nature. “

Being ultra friendly with ourselves is the key and the cornerstone on the path of our healing..

A Wild Man Is Not A Boyfriend

After reading Alison Nappi’s A Wild Woman Is Not A Girlfriend, I found Aubrey Marcus, one of my favorite podcasters, wrote a poem of wild man after he was inspired by the original wild woman version. 

It is also a very powerful poem from a wild man’s point of view. When I read the part “I am no poodle to lay groomed on a leash at your feet. I am the wolf that fetches the bones of truth.” 

I got this chill around my chest. It is not a bad chill but an energy surged in me that makes me ponder…”Am I able to accept my man as a wolf that fetches the bones of truth?” In the Alison Nappi’s wild woman version, I see myself asking my man to accept me as this furious wild woman. But here, am I wild enough to also accept my significant other to be in the same way? 

I think it is a two way streets. We are in this relationship/marriage together to grow and to learn to accept who we truly are whether we are in our strongest armors or standing at the edge of our vulnerability. 

A wild man is not a boyfriend, he is a force.

Can you love me in the blinding heat of a birthing star, when I shower warmth on distant moons?

Can you love me in the hole of the cosmic Black, where no one can reach me? Not even you?

Can you love me then too?

Can you love me when I drag buffalo skulls through the dirt for days, to the rhythm of an ancient drum?

Will you love me if my beard hides the scars in my heart, from battles I cannot explain?

WIll you love me when I lack courage, when I am defeated, when I won’t let you patch my wounds?

WIll you trust me when I smell of sweetgrass and sage, and when I stink of whiskey and sweat?

When I drink from the cup and play in astral light, will you anchor me to Home?

What happens when my words don’t work, and I can speak with only my eyes?

Can you love me enough to let me go, without asking me where I’ll be?

I am no poodle to lay groomed on a leash at your feet. I am the wolf that fetches the bones of truth.

A wild man is not a boyfriend. He’s not built for animal husbandry. He is a force. He is a cause for an effect. He is a mission.

Are you afraid to let me inside you? Not just my flesh, but my soul. The wild man is neither burglar or vandal. I will not take anything from you. I will not trample on sprouting seeds or pick flowers as a trophy. I am the sun on flooded fields and the fire for tangled webs.

Don’t be scared, lover, mother, maiden, crone. Take me as I am.

Even if I have the power to destroy worlds, I will not destroy you.

A wild man is a protector. A father. A warrior for all that is good.

When the chaos seeks to obliterate you, sheering your flesh from bone, I will hold all the pieces together in love, until you are ready to reassemble.

When your seas boil, and your winds throw cars at corn fields, I will wait patiently for you to catch my eye, so that both of us can laugh.

When Hell opens up the fiery gates, and sends all the cosmos against you, I plant my heels deep in the ground. I lay my shield low. My sword is sharp then, my love. The steel sings sweetly. With a smile, Hoka Hey! My last breath a farewell kiss. Today is a good day to die.

For ours is the oldest love affair. The greatest story ever told. Cupid and Psyche, Shiva and Shakti, You and I.

Same same but different. Would we have it any other way?

A wild man is not a boyfriend. He is a force.

A Wild Woman Is Not A Girlfriend

This is a powerful and beautiful poem by Alison Nappi. 

But can you love me in the deep? In the dark? In the thick of it?

Can you love me when I drink from the wrong bottle and slip through the crack in the floorboard?

Can you love me when I’m bigger than you, when my presence blazes like the sun does, when it hurts to look directly at me?

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